my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
