I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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