I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
