Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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