just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
