I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
