Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
