upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
