On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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