blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
