***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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