Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
