She's JV to your varsity
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
