So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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