I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Still dying that you shit outside
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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