omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
