But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Vodka?
Forever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
