my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
