THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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