Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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