All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
