girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
