I love black thongs
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
