I'm drive I can fine osifer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
