Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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