Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
