I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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