dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
