It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
