I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize