i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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