I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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