If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
