As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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