Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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