I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
