this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
