pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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