so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
