i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
