is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
