just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
