Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
