okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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