It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
