I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
