OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
