I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
