what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
