No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
