You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
