I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
