He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
