it hurts more in the daytime
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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