We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
