Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
