THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
