I cockslap morals
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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