We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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