Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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