I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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