oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
