The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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