wrigley field is MILF paradise
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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