dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
