After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
