in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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