Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
